The following presentation is a paid advertisement. It does not necessarily reflect the views of this network.
AND NOW ... We proudly present ...
Mosby 101 ... what you always to know about Mosby, but were afraid to ask.
(The audience cheers as a burly man bounds into the studio.)
Hello, my name is Butch Blowhard. I'm bringing you a very special product today, something that you will never find in stores. For the next few minutes, I'm going to tell you about something so marvelous, something so astounding, something so stunning that you won't believe your ears and eyes. Yes, through this very special TV offer, you can be the envy of all your friends and neighbors. Imagine their delight when you show them MOSBY 101, the acclaimed literary work from the same folks that brought you CALL 101, or "You Like It Dirty."
(Audience claps wildly)
Yes, you remember how they divulged Newt Call's secrets, such as THE SHRUG, THE SMIRK, and THE SAFE SIGN. Well, they are going to divulge Mosby's secrets, just for you.
(Audience ooohs and ahhhs.)
But first, let's talk to one of our valued friends, Miss Tallulah Fryquick. She's owned Mosby 101 during its beta release. Let's hear what she has to say. Tallulah?
(Cuts to scene of a woman with a headset. A tropical locale is behind her.)
Yes, Butch. Let me just say how much I love this book. It's changed my life. Now I know what Mosby is doing and why he is doing it. It has increased my appreciation for Mosby tenfold. Now when I watch Lonesome Dove, I feel as if I'm right there with Mosby. You can't get much better than that!
(Cuts back to the studio. Butch is grinning as audience is in awe.)
Wow! What about that, folks?
(Audience claps.)
I said, "What about that!"
(Audience goes wild with delight.)
All right, then. Let's get started.
(Butch leans down and grabs something hidden from the camera.)
Do you know what this is?
(A hush ensues as he pulls out a book. He shows them the book and the crowd starts to clap.)
Yes, it is Mosby 101! Let's just see some of the secrets.
(He flips to a page.)
Johnny, let's get a close up of this.
(The camera focuses on a chapter -- THE LIP RUB. The audience goes crazy.)
I don't know about you folks, but when I rub my lower lip, it usually means I have a cold sore. (Audience laughs.) But when Mosby (crowd murmurs), yes when Mosby does it, it means something entirely different. It means the Mose is checking you out or is pondering something.
(Camera scans audience. Many people are murmuring and nodding to one another.)
Hey, but that's not all! (Audience gets excited.) Just wait until you hear this!
(Cuts to ordering screen. A voice over comments, "You get all the amazing secrets of Mosby for the low price of $19.95. That's right, $19.95, but you have to order within the next 2 seconds. Call 1-800-GetMose. That's right. 1-800-GetMose. You get Mosby 101 for the low low price of $19.95. But wait ... in addition to Mosby 101, you get the special commemorative addition of the Mosby tub toy. Yes, you get to see what was hidden! That's not all. For $19.95, you also get the Mosby gris-gris, so you summon Mosby at will. He will tell you all your deepest desires and wishes. But that is only if you call in the next 2 seconds. All of this - Mosby 101, the commemorative tub toy, and the Mosby gris-gris - all for the amazing low low price of $19.95. Call 1-800-GetMose NOW!" Back to Butch and the studio audience.)
Yeah, but let's look at this. Did you want to know what the insolent lean really means?
(Some folks from the audience bellow out "yes.")
Well, you guessed it. Mosby is too sexy for his shorts!
(Audience screams.)
I know, I know, folks. But this is not all. Let's hear from another satisfied customer. This is Richard Sealup from Decatur, Illinois. Richard?
(Pans to a befuddled looking man in a Midwestern café.)
Yes, Mr. Blowhard. My wife fell in love with Mosby years ago. I thought he was bastard, just like Call, but I know better now that I've read Mosby 101. My relationship with my wife is much better, and now we are on are second honeymoon. She loves it I do the insolent lean. Thanks, Mosby 101!
(Cuts back to studio audience that is aaahing. Butch begins to speak again.)
Let's talk about Mosby's eyes. (Murmuring of audience.) Ladies, please don't faint. I don't want to talk about those amber, succulent-as-butter irises of his. No, we are going to talk about how Mosby ROLLS HIS EYES and what it means. That's right. You've guessed it. Mosby thinks he is surrounded by idiots when he does this.
(Audience laughs.)
Before we talk about the next secret, THE HAT ADJUSTMENT, let's take a look at this lovely book. Johnny, could you just pan in here a bit?
(Camera focuses on beautiful spread of Mosby pictures.)
Look at that leather duster. Johnny, could you focus a little tighter? On the caption, please? Look folks, here is another secret. It's the secret of the LEATHER DUSTER!
(Audience ooohhs and ahhhhs.)
Silly me. I thought it was just an article of clothing. But is says here that when Mosby wears the LEATHER DUSTER with the gloves minus the hat, it is time to head for cover. Mosby means business.
(Audience claps.)
Let's hear about Mosby's HAT ADJUSTMENT. It means that he is bewildered. Just like many of us before we read this book.
(Camera quickly pans to ordering screen. Voice over comments, "There are so many amazing secrets to Mosby 101, you won't believe your ears or eyes. But you have to experience it in order to believe it. You'll get the beautifully leather bound book with a full color spread of Mosby, the Mosby tub toy, and the Mosby gris-gris, all for the amazingly low price of $19.95. That's right. $19.95. But wait, if you call in the next second, you not only get these amazing features, you'll get, absolutely free, AT NO COST TO YOU, for you to hold in your very hands, a replica of Mosby's big gun. It's an amazing work of art for you to hold and touch and covet, all for the amazing low low price of $19.95. But you have to call. Call 1-800-GetMose NOW!" Back to Butch and the studio audience.)
Well, folks. That's all the time we have today. Don't miss this golden opportunity. Operators are standing by to take your call.
(Audience cheers as camera fades to black.)
The preceding was a paid advertisement. It does not necessarily reflect the views of this network.
The following presentation is a paid advertisement. It does not necessarily reflect the views of this network.
AND NOW ... We proudly present ...
Ike 101, or "Cents and Centsability"
END 3/04