DISCLAIMER: The characters and situations of the television program "Lonesome Dove: The Outlaw Years" are the creations of Rysher Television, and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is not to be published on any ftp site, newsgroup, mailing list, fanzine or elsewhere without the express permission of the author.
"Maria" and all original material included in this story are the creations of Darcie Daniels.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Here's a run down of my other eps:
Ep 1: Josiah's niece comes to town.
Ep 2: Two preachers come to CW.
Ep 3: Maria and Mosby's stage gets attacked.
Ep 4: Maria decides to matchmake for Mosby.
Ep 5: Thanksgiving, 1880.
Ep 6: Maria matchmakes for Call and Mattie.
Setting: Late December.
Curtis Wells, Montana Territory, 1880.
He wore his leather duster as he stalked down the street. The townspeople instantly gave him a wide berth, letting Mr. Mosby pass. His dangerous growl was enough to cause fear in the strongest of men. One look from his tiger-like eyes could stir panic in their souls. There was no person in Curtis Wells, except perhaps Mr. Call, that would dare stand in Mr. Mosby's way.
Instinctively, Maria knew it was not a good time to disturb him. She bit her lip. Sometimes Mr. Mosby made things more difficult than need be.
She wanted to tell him the good news. She wanted to tell him about their upcoming marriage. He would have to propose first, of course, but Mr. Mosby was going to marry her. Their fate had been decided on Christmas Eve. They kissed underneath the mistletoe, and Maria knew there was no one else on earth for her but Mr. Mosby. Trying to persuade him that she was meant for him was a different story, however. Maria could hardly persuade herself of her worthiness for him. Maria knew there was nothing that she could offer him. She was rich, but he was rich, too. He was beautiful. She was a just strange-looking tall woman with wire-rimmed glasses. He was cultured. She was still working at it, putting all of her aunt Elinor's lessons to use. He had power. He had to have control. He had to make Curtis Wells into a "new Atlanta." She had no power, no authority, and no means to get him the new Atlanta that he wanted. She was almost useless to him.
But Mr. Mosby was also lonely, Maria sensed. Despite her uncle Josiah, her cousin Austin, and her cousin-in-law Mr. Call, Maria was lonely, too. Sometimes her own loneliness overwhelmed her. Isolation and abandonment were bitter things, and their strong grip nearly choked her at times. It was not good to be alone. It hurt to be alone. The loneliness was like a large gaping wound. The very soul seemed to seep out, leaving a pallor of extreme unhappiness. The heart could do nothing but rot. The heart was not meant to beat for just one person.
All she could give him was herself. Maria frowned. It was not enough.
But it would have to be, Maria told herself. One always had to keep reaching for happiness. One always had to keep searching. It would be easier with someone to help. Mr. Mosby needed her help. He needed her affection. They needed to face the world together.
But any other woman could fill that void for him, Maria knew. There were other women more suitable for Mr. Mosby. Miss Shaw was the perfect example. She had beauty, charm, intelligence, independence, and a caring nature. Maria saw that Miss Shaw had affection for Mr. Mosby, too. That was important in any relationship. But Maria also knew that Miss Shaw had feelings for Mr. Call. Mr. Mosby did deserve a woman's full affection, after all. Maria could give him that. That was the only thing Maria had over Miss Shaw. Maria seemed to deserve Mr. Mosby by default.
It almost killed Maria when she saw Mr. Mosby kiss Miss Shaw underneath the mistletoe. Maria wished that she could look like Miss Shaw. Then it would be easier to persuade Mr. Mosby that Maria belonged with him.
But he was being so obstinate. Ever since Christmas Eve, Mr. Mosby wore his leather duster. That was not a good sign. Maria could not talk to him when he was in that kind of mood. She could not even give him his Christmas gift. Maria wondered if the embroidered silk handkerchief would be good enough for him. Maria did not even know his middle initial so she could stitch his full monograph. She supposed "C. M." would have to do. She could stitch in his middle initial later.
Perhaps she could do that when they were married, Maria sighed dreamily. She would have time to do it then.
Mr. Mosby stalked over to the Ambrosia Club, temporarily stopping to notice the wreath on the door. His eyes narrowed dangerously as his finger toyed with the fluffy pink bow. He shook his head, knowing that Maria had placed it there. He did not seem pleased as he slammed the door shut.
The wreath fell on the ground.
Maria bit her lip. It was not a good sign.
He did look like he was in a better mood. He still wore his leather duster, but his scowl was no longer there. Mr. Mosby always did look handsome in that leather duster of his. For some reason, however, whenever he wore it, Maria felt like running.
Now was as good time as any, she supposed. Maria was not exactly sure how to broach the topic. The two of them had not been on speaking terms for quite some time. Austin blackmailed Maria into betraying Mr. Mosby, and Austin never did tell her why Josiah treated Maria in the disinterested way that he did. Maria could not think of that now with anything but shame. She threw Mr. Mosby's friendship away for nothing. That was just another fine reason why she did not deserve Mr. Mosby.
She sighed. She would have to do this sometime.
She decided the best time to talk to him alone would be by trying to meet him on the street. Confined rooms had too many ears, and besides, Maria somehow knew it was not a wise idea to visit Mr. Mosby alone in the Ambrosia Club. There was no need to give him the home field advantage, after all.
No, the battlegrounds would have to be drawn here.
Mr. Mosby's man Ike scurried away from Mr. Mosby as soon as Mr. Mosby barked an order at him. Mr. Mosby was entirely alone now.
Maria gulped, straightening her posture. She marched resolutely up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Mr. Mosby," she said, trying to keep the strength in her voice. "I need to talk with you."
Mr. Mosby grimaced in annoyance at her presence. "Miss Bennett," he gritted his teeth, allowing her as much patience as he could muster. "Now is not the time."
Maria was undeterred. He did have a right to know of his upcoming nuptials, after all.
"This concerns you," Maria told him defensively. "There is something I've decided that I think you should know."
"Everything in this town concerns me," Mr. Mosby muttered under his breath. "Miss Bennett, I truly do not have the time for this."
He began to walk away.
He was not going to make this easy.
"Mr. Mosby," she called out to him, grabbing his sleeve. "This is important. You really need to know about this." She did not add that he needed to know about his upcoming wedding before she told her family. She dreaded telling Mr. Call. He hated Mr. Mosby worse than Austin, if that was possible. Maria did not understand all this hatred towards her future husband. Perhaps their marriage could mend the rift between Mr. Mosby and her family. One could always dream.
"What?" he demanded impatiently. "What is it that you could possible decide that concerns me? I know you are not civilly minded unless you have your own purposes. Who do you plan to match-make this time, Miss Bennett? I know you haven't turned your mind yet on Josiah or Austin. If this is about them, then go ahead. Arrange your dance. Arrange your bonfire. Just leave me out of it. I have more important things to do than to worry about silly romantic notions."
Maria frowned at his sour mood. At least he did mention the bonfire. The last time she arranged a bonfire was the night of Christmas Eve. That was the very night they kissed. Maria smiled.
"It's funny you should mention that bonfire, Mr. Mosby," she commented, following him. "Do you remember that last time Curtis Wells had a bonfire? It was quite a night, if I remember correctly."
Mr. Mosby stopped, and then dragged her into the nearest quiet alley.
"I thought I told you not to say anything about that ever again," Mr. Mosby told her in a hushed voice.
He was alluding to their romantic kiss. Maria had told no one, not even Mr. Call, her closest family. She had the feeling that Mr. Call would not take kindly to the idea.
Maria feigned ignorance. "I can't talk about bonfires any longer? I don't recall going to the last one, but I do remember being perfectly content."
His butternut eyes narrowed dangerously as he grabbed her wrist. "Don't you play games with me," Mr. Mosby ordered her rather harshly, his grip tightening about her wrist. "You'll lose every time. You can trust me on that."
Maria believed him entirely. The courage faltered briefly in her dark blue eyes. She had better rely on a better tactical strategy with him - directness and persistence. Mr. Mosby might know what she was thinking, but she had the reserves to wear him down. She was a Yankee, after all.
"Perhaps you are right," Maria conceded. "So let me be honest with you. I really liked the way you kissed me on Christmas Eve, and I don't see why you can't go on kissing me in a legal sort of fashion. So this is how it is going to be. I really do want a church wedding. I'm afraid you'll have to put aside your grievances with God on that day so you can wait for me until I walk down the aisle. We'll be married in the spring, and I'll carry a pretty bouquet of wild flowers. Won't that be romantic, Mr. Mosby?"
He said nothing to her. He looked like a frightened deer caught in a rifle sight.
He let out a nervous little laugh. "Maria - "
She ignored him. "All you have to do is propose first. Of course, I'll give the matter a prudent amount of thought, and then I'll say, 'yes.' We can have our wedding in March or April. Won't that be perfect, Mr. Mosby?"
"No," Mr. Mosby finally argued after regaining his composure. "It won't be 'perfect.'" He gently seized her shoulders, as if bracing her for a shock. "Listen to me. I am truly flattered that you - "
Maria did not want to hear what he had to say next. "What else, then, would you consider for our wedding? It's your wedding, too, after all. Is there a certain song you want sung at our wedding? I've always wanted to sing Donzietti's 'Al Doce Guidami' to a man. Just think - you'll be the only man in town who actually knows the love song I'm singing, and you'll know that I'm singing it for you. That will make it even more special."
Mr. Mosby shook his head, his demeanor very sad. "Maria," he said tenderly, "you are not going to sing at any wedding. There isn't going to be any - "
"You're right, of course," Maria interrupted him, knowing that it was important that he should not be allowed to continue. "Mrs. Watson, my singing tutor, always told me that my Italian was atrocious. Aunt Elinor always liked my voice, though, despite how I butchered the words. 'Maria,' she always told me. 'It's not what you sing, but how you sing it.' Oh, it's so sad that my aunt never met you, Mr. Mosby. She would have adored you."
"Maria - "
"Anyway, maybe if I work really hard at it, I might have the song ready to sing to you by March. Hopefully, even if my diction is not exactly perfect, you will still understand my meaning. The song is about love and affection, after all. You will understand me."
Maria hoped he did understand. There was her heartfelt declaration of love. Maria never felt more exposed in all her life.
Mr. Mosby sighed. Then he rubbed his mouth, as if he was preparing for a difficult task.
"Maria," he whispered gently, slowly rubbing her shoulders. "I truly am flattered - "
"Mr. Mosby," she interrupted in desperation.
"Hush," he ordered, placing his index finger on her lips.
She remembered how his fingers moved over her lips on the night that he kissed her. She smiled dreamily.
Mr. Mosby yanked his hand away from her.
"Maria," he said sternly, ordering her to pay attention. "I am flattered that you consider me worthy, I truly am, but I'm not the right man for you. I am sorry I have to hurt you like this, but there is not going to be any wedding. Do you understand me? There will be no wedding."
"Nonsense, Mr. Mosby," she reprimanded him. "It will just take some time to make you see it my way, that's all."
He sighed impatiently. "For God's sake, let this go."
"You are going to ask me to marry you. I'm going to pester you until you do. You know I will. You might as well save us the trouble and ask me now."
He gritted his teeth in frustration. "I am not going to ask you. I'm never going to ask you. I don't want to be married again. Now let it be."
Maria stubbornly bit her lip to keep it from quivering. He was rejecting her. She refused to let him do that.
"But Mr. Mosby - "
"Hush. Listen to me. You've always shown a good amount of intelligence when you apply reason to it. So think, Maria, think. Look at the kind of man I am. Look at the life you'd have. For God's sake, do you want to live above a saloon for the rest of your life? It's not for you. It's not the kind of life you deserve. Choose someone better for you - someone that is younger, someone who can give you what you want. You'd only end up hating me. Good God, I wouldn't want that, Maria. Please choose someone else."
Maria did not know how to respond to that. She did not understand him. Mr. Mosby had always been very kind to her. He did care about her - that was important. Maria thought she did deserve that. Mr. Mosby was talking nonsense. He could give her everything she deserved.
He did have a point, though, about living above the saloon. Aunt Elinor would never have approved of that.
"Then I suppose that it is time that you built us a house, Mr. Mosby. Neither of us should live above the Ambrosia. A house and a marriage would be an excellent way to solidify your position in town. It would show the people of this town that you are willing to make a long term investment."
He shook his head, frustrated at her unwillingness to see the situation as it was and half in annoyance at her comment.
"I would like us to live in our own house," Maria continued, ignoring him. "That really is an excellent idea."
"You are like arguing with a stone wall, aren't you?" Mr. Mosby commented quietly, almost in a hopeless whisper.
"You might as well surrender now," Maria laughed in relief. He finally saw it as she did. "You'd better propose."
Mr. Mosby's face darkened in deadly seriousness. "You just won't make this easy, will you?"
Something in his expression made Maria's face turn ghastly pale.
Total rejection was coming. She could feel it.
She was so entirely unworthy of him. He was about to tell her how totally at odds their match would be.
Rejection was coming. It hovered above her like some suspended weight. She shook her head as if to shake off an impending, crashing sense of doom.
"Maria," he told her firmly, bracing her shoulders. "I don't love you."
There it was. She closed her eyes, trying to ward off the pain. Her head turned away from him. She did not want to hear anymore.
"I am so sorry. You are so young, so sweet. I'm sorry if I inadvertently given you the impression that I loved -" he sighed in desperation, as if love was foreign feeling to him. "That kiss the other night was my full responsibility. I am sorry. I will never compromise you like that again. Maria, I can't love you. Don't you understand now? You will only hurt yourself if you keep pursuing this. I am sorry."
Her heart felt as if it stopped beating. The very act of breathing was painful. Tears welled in her soul, but they did not fall from her eyes.
She winced. She would always feel this empty. This emptiness would never go away. Mr. Mosby was her only hope. Without him, there was only nothingness.
Love. Love. Only her aunt Elinor gave her any love. Only her aunt Elinor loved and accepted her. Only Aunt Elinor made her feel like she belonged.
She was unworthy of him. She did not deserve his love.
None of her family in Curtis Wells welcomed her with open arms. They did not love her as Aunt Elinor had. Josiah could not tolerate her. Austin barely withstood her presence. Mr. Call was fond of her, she was sure, but he never did show his affection outright.
None of her family loved her in Curtis Wells. Why should she expect Mr. Mosby to?
The emptiness inside was unbearable. The only hope was the remembrance of his kiss. For one moment in time, he did feel something for her. Whether it was love or passion or both, it was there, however briefly he felt it. She could not let that go.
Perhaps he did not love her. Being unloved never stopped her before, Maria told herself. What Mr. Mosby said was just a temporary set-back, that was all.
Maria spoke very quietly, her voice almost lost upon the wind.
"I want a church wedding, Mr. Mosby. I must insist upon that."
She turned away from him, weary from battle.
She did love Mr. Mosby. Perhaps that was all that mattered, she told herself.
She would talk to him again about this tomorrow.
"Austin, I have to speak with you."
Austin cleaned his revolver on the kitchen table in the newspaper office. He did not look up from his work.
"If this is about Father, you can forget it."
Austin still refused to tell Maria why Josiah could not tolerate her presence. She gave up Mr. Mosby's friendship for that information, and Austin still had not told her.
It was either Mr. Mosby or her uncle Josiah. At one time, Maria had thought that healing Josiah took precedence over her feelings for Mr. Mosby. But now, Maria felt entirely different.
"Very well, Austin. If that is what you want."
This was not the exact conversation she hoped to have with her cousin, but Maria supposed it would lead into discussing her upcoming nuptials with Mr. Mosby.
Austin looked up at her suspiciously. She had been hounding him for the past month for information about his father.
"Maria, what is wrong with you, anyway? Whatever you're planning, it isn't going to work. I won't tell you about Father. Now leave me alone."
She ignored his suspicions. "Austin, I thought that when I disassociated myself from Mr. Mosby that you would tell me why Josiah treats me the way he does. Since you have refused to honor your part of the contract, I refuse to honor mine. Mr. Mosby is still my friend, and I will talk to him and associate with him in any way I wish. Am I making myself clear?"
Austin stared at her, giving her an odd look.
"You'd betray your own family over him," he commented very quietly, looking rather disappointed.
"I'm not betraying anyone," Maria returned, trying to convince herself rather than him. "I'm finally following my own feelings for a change."
"Oh, come off it," Austin sneered under his breath. "What do you call it, then? Both Call and I hate him. You should never have been friends with him in the first place. You're lucky I called a halt to it when I did. Mosby would eat you alive. I saved you from a lot of heartache. You're better off staying away from him, believe me."
"Austin," Maria said angrily, her fingers tightening in a fist. Austin could really be an incompetent fool sometimes. "The only thing you saved me from was the only person who has ever treated me kindly around here. Mr. Mosby has always been considerate of me. He has always treated me with respect and gentleness. He is one of the best men I have ever known, and he is the best man I am ever likely to know. It was my worst mistake to throw his friendship away in the way that I did."
Austin's face twisted in horrified amusement, shaking his head. He stared incredibly at her. "Damn, he really has you conned, doesn't he?"
Maria's mouth tightened in a grim line. "Mr. Mosby is the best of men," she continued to declare.
Austin's eyes narrowed at her in discernment. She did not like him staring at her in that way. She looked away from him.
"This stupid schoolgirl crush is going to really hurt you someday. I feel sorry for you."
She did not want his pity. She wanted his acceptance of the situation. "It's more than a crush," Maria admitted, trying to keep the strength in her voice.
Austin jumped up from the table and began to pace the room. He then suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders.
"What has he done to you?" Austin demanded protectively. "Tell me. He'll do right by you, I swear to it myself!"
Maria wrestled free from his grasp. Maria hated it when Austin grabbed her like that.
Now she was insulted. How dare Austin think such a thing! "He hasn't touched me," Maria replied angrily. Then she added sheepishly, "He may have kissed me once, but that was as far as it went. I resent that you would defame him or me like that. I would never do such a thing until I am married. You know that."
"He kissed you?" he repeated incredulously, ignoring her. "Damn him!" Austin swore under his breath. "I told him to stay away from you. Mosby can't get away with this. He should be taught a lesson."
Austin really did try Maria's patience. She never truly understood why Austin found it so important to seek revenge against Mr. Mosby. Even though Austin did sabotage Mr. Mosby's chances for a railroad, Austin refused to leave it at that. He still sought revenge against the town proprietor. Austin would use any excuse against Mr. Mosby - even his own cousin.
"Austin, revenge is very silly. I don't know what happened between the two of you, and I really don't care anymore. You should forgive him for removing you as sheriff and let it go at that. I really wish you would just leave Mr. Mosby alone. Surely whatever he did cannot constitute your constant childish behavior."
Austin laughed, almost incredulously. Then he nodded, his face twisted with anger. "Well, we'll see what happens when Mosby turns on you."
Her cousin was not making any sense. "Mr. Mosby wouldn't turn on me, Austin," Maria returned defensively. "That is ridiculous."
"Really," Austin replied, unconvinced. "Ask Amanda what he did to her. She didn't know he was going to turn on her, either."
Maria did not like Miss Carpenter. She had too much influence over her cousin. "Why would I care two cents what he did to Miss Carpenter? Whatever it was, I'm sure she deserved it."
Austin did not speak for a long moment. Then his mouth twisted in a frown. "You have no idea what Mosby is like. He's going to hurt you. You're just too blind to realize that. You have to be warned, Maria. You have to know what Mosby is capable of."
"Why should I believe anything you say?" Maria demanded. "Whatever you say to me is just your way of getting back at Mr. Mosby. Austin, I can't trust you."
Austin's dark eyes blazed in anger. He did not say anything to her in a long moment. "Boy, you really are stupid, aren't you? Well, I'd like to see how 'trusting' you are when he takes everything away from you and puts your neck in a noose. Hell, it might even make you shut up for once."
Maria's eyes narrowed at him in confusion. Austin was not making any sense.
"I thought that would shut you up. Didn't you know what happened to me after Mosby got robbed?" Austin asked her. "Don't you know? Surely someone would have told you by now." Then Austin nodded his head. "Oh, I forgot. You are blind when it comes to Mosby, aren't you? You wouldn't believe anything bad said against him."
Maria was getting angry now. "I don't listen to gossip, Austin. I thought that you would tell me about why he removed you as sheriff, seeing that it concerned you, but you never have confided in me. No one else in my family has confided in me, either. Josiah doesn't talk to me, remember? You know how hard it is to talk to Mr. Call about Mr. Mosby. He is worse that you are! If I am ignorant about the situation, Austin, it is your own fault! You should have welcomed me instead of fighting me. I could have been a very good friend to you. You are the one who is blind, not I."
"I see more than people think I do," Austin said very quietly, his tone almost dangerous.
"Not from my viewpoint," Maria retorted.
He stared at her for a long moment. "You want to know what happened, Maria?" he sneered. "Are you sure?"
Maria did not like his tone of voice. She was not sure if she really did want him to tell her.
"What did Mosby say about it?"
She did not answer him.
"Well?" he demanded.
"He did not relate the details of it," Maria admitted quietly. "He said that you took bribes and that you deserved to be removed from the sheriff position. I've always understood that it was wrong for him to remove you in the way that he did, Austin. I know that you were caught in the middle somehow. I've always tried to get Mr. Mosby to apologize to you for that, but he won't. What does it matter now? You've had your revenge on him. The railroad is not coming to town. What more could you want?"
"You don't understand," Austin told her, his face twisting in pain. "He took everything away from me. When I was sheriff, I had respect in this town. Now I have nothing."
Maria looked at him in pity. Austin was not respected because he did not respect himself. "There is no respect in taking bribes, Austin. That was your own fault."
"Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have done it," Austin said defensively. "But I didn't deserve to get almost killed for it, either. Damn him. I wanted to betray him, but I didn't. I stayed by him. What did I get for it? I paid the price for something I didn't even do. Damn Mosby. Damn him."
"Austin, what are you talking about?" Maria demanded, unable to think beyond the word "kill." Austin may have been in the middle of Mr. Mosby's quest for justice, but no one had every tried to kill him. Austin was talking nonsense. "Mr. Mosby never tried to kill you."
Austin laughed in derisiveness. "He damned near hanged me, Maria. If that isn't trying to kill me, I don't know what is."
Maria could not even hear the sound of her own breathing. It was completely quiet in the newspaper office.
"He didn't," she tried to deny, but she knew it was true. Mr. Mosby had tried to kill her cousin. It made her sick.
"If it hadn't been for Call, you'd be putting flowers on both mine and Hannah's graves."
"No."
"He also let Father think he killed somebody. Father was going to hang himself in the coral because he felt so guilty," Austin continued, his face riddled with self-hatred. "I let him go on thinking it...."
Maria winced just thinking about snap of her uncle's neck under the noose. "Austin, stop - "
"He killed Zander right in front of my eyes," Austin continued, a somewhat relieved look for being able to confess. "Zander just fell on his cot, wondering what hit him. I helped Mosby bury the body."
Maria shook her head. It was not possible. Mr. Mosby would never kill anybody in cold blood. Besides, she did not even know a "Mr. Zander."
"He took Creel out in front of everybody and beat him like a dog."
The storekeeper was not her concern. Maria did not want to hear anymore of this.
"He paid a whore to seduce a preacher. He let Father and Cleese find them fooling around at the Lau's Clean and Hot."
"No - "
"He hung a dead body upside down right outside Curtis Wells so Logan would get the point."
Maria ran out of the room. They were lies. They were all lies.
"Maria!" Austin called out to her. "Leave him alone, I tell you! He's going to hurt you!"
"He tried to kill Austin, didn't he," Maria stated rather than questioned.
She found Mr. Call in the stables brushing down his mare, the Hellbitch. Maria always thought that was such an inappropriate name for such a nice animal. Hellbitch always treated her with affection whenever Maria brought her a carrot.
Mr. Call just stared at his cousin-in-law for a moment. He seemed to know that she was talking about Mr. Mosby. He only nodded.
Maria shut her eyes. It was true. She tried to deny it to herself - she tried to tell herself that Austin had been lying all this time - but she knew it was true. It made her sick. Mr. Mosby did try to kill Austin, but what was worse was that he did not apologize for it. He had no remorse for what he had done. He did not even try to make it up to her cousin. What Mr. Mosby did was very wrong.
"He must have been out of his mind at the time," Maria tried to explain. That had to be it. Mr. Mosby was half-crazed when he tried to kill her cousin. She could forgive him for that, but still, he should have done something to make it up to Austin. Mr. Mosby's actions could not be explained.
Mr. Call quit brushing his horse. He looked very sharply at her.
"Mosby only does things for himself," he commented. "He would have hung Austin, I'm sure of it." He changed the subject very quickly. "Why this sudden interest in Mosby? I thought you two being friends ended."
Maria sighed. Everything was so muddled now.
She could only think of that night in the stable. She could see the very mistletoe that she and Mr. Mosby kissed under - it was still on the rafter. She remembered the sweetness and affection that he bestowed upon her. She remembered thinking that Mr. Mosby was an angel to relieve her from the coldness and the darkness.
It could not have been just a dream. She remembered the feel of his lips upon hers and could feel the warmth of his arms as they circled around her. What she felt for him that night was love. Maria was sure of it.
It was so hard to love someone sometimes.
"I want to marry him," Maria confessed hopelessly, not even thinking. Marrying him did not sound like a very good idea at the moment, Maria even had to admit herself.
"What?" Mr. Call snapped. He looked very angry.
"Now, Newton," Maria tried to calm him down. She should not have just blurted it out like that. "There's no need for you to get so upset. I still intend to marry Mr. Mosby. It might be a little more awkward now, but hopefully we can all forgive each other. He's not the man you think that he is."
"Maria, are you some kind of idiot?" Mr. Call demanded. His paced the stall. He looked just about as wild as the beasts in the stalls.
Maria did not know how to answer him. She did act rather foolish at times. But this was not one of them.
Mr. Call stalked right up to her. He did not touch her, but his pale blue eyes had a distinctive flare to them. He looked like dynamite with a burning fuse.
"What'd he do to you?" he demanded.
For some reason, Maria did not take offense as she had with her cousin Austin. There was something in her cousin-in-law's eyes - it spoke of a knowledge that Maria did not want to know. It scared her.
"I don't know what you're - "
"Damn it! I told you to tell me what he did to you! Tell me, damn it!"
Mr. Call had never shouted at her before. Mr. Call's voice hardly ever raised above the same tone. His behavior was beginning to worry her. It had begun to frighten her.
"Newton, please - " she tried to soothe.
"Tell me, damn it, or I swear, I'll get it from him."
There was a murderous look in Mr. Call's eyes. Mr. Call would shoot Mr. Mosby. He was the only man in Curtis Wells that could do it, too.
For Mr. Mosby's sake, she had to tell Mr. Call. "He kissed me. I kissed him back. That was all. There was nothing more to it. Nothing more! For God's sake, Newton, calm down! It was only a kiss."
"Only a kiss?" he repeated incredulously. A horrible memory seemed to wash over his face. "That son of a bitch," he snarled underneath his breath. He still paced the stall. "That God damned son of a bitch!" Then Mr. Call turned sharply turned towards Maria. He still did not touch her. "So he thinks he's gonna marry you, is that it?" her cousin-in-law demanded.
Maria bit her lip. "No," she admitted sheepishly. "I think I will marry him. I just have to get him to ask, that's all."
Mr. Call only looked at her as if she was crazy.
She reached out in desperation to Mr. Call. "Oh, Newton, if only you could understand! It felt so wonderful! I've never been kissed like that before. It felt so warm and giving. It's the first time that I've felt like I belonged in someone's arms. There was love and affection there, I know it. I felt loved. You have to understand that. You do understand that. You had to feel that way with Hannah. You know what it feels like when you first know you belong to someone else - that your life was not just yours to live. I know that you know that!"
Mr. Call took a deep breath. He visibly shook from the pain, the heartache, the loss, and the love.
It was his turn to appeal to her as he grabbed her by the shoulders. "He's just using you!" he shouted at her. "Mosby doesn't feel anything! He's just using you! It's not you - it's Hannah that he wants! It's always been Hannah!"
She stared in shock into Mr. Call's desperate blue eyes. "What?" she whispered.
"It's always been Hannah," he repeated in defeat.
Now she was confused. Mr. Call could not possibly mean what she thought he meant. Maria tried to shrug it off. "That's ridiculous. Hannah and Mr. Mosby were just friends, that's all." Then Maria grew furious. "I can't believe that you, of all people, would suggest something so awful about your own wife. You must hate Mr. Mosby so much that you would defame Hannah. She's dead, Newton! She's dead! For God's sake, bury her and be done with it!"
"He kissed my wife, damn you!" he yelled at her.
"That's a lie!" Maria shouted at him. "This I refuse to believe!"
"Go ask him! He won't deny it."
Maria did not want to go ask him. What if Mr. Mosby said it was true?
"It's not true," was all she could whisper.
Mr. Call did not answer her. He looked rather lost in a mixture of hatred, guilt, and agony.
"But I don't even look anything like Hannah," Maria denied him desperately. "Look at me - do I look anything like Hannah to you?"
Mr. Call shook his head.
"I know I don't look like Hannah. Do I even act like Hannah?"
Mr. Call shook his head again.
Maria knew she did not act like Hannah, either. For Austin, Josiah, and Mr. Call to still be hanging on to her all these years after her death - Maria knew that Hannah had to be an angel. Maria was not an angel. That was for certain.
"Then Mr. Mosby did not kiss me because of Hannah. I don't care what you say. This nonsense about his kissing Hannah is a lie, too. I won't believe it."
Mr. Call regained his composure. He only shrugged. "Mosby only does things for himself."
"But you don't understand! What if he did kiss me because of Hannah? It would mean that - "
Tears began to form in her eyes. It meant that she was not special enough to deserve any of his affection. He was not really kissing her - just a ghost. He did not give her love that night. He did not intend to make her feel whole. He did not mean to fill the emptiness inside her. He was kissing someone that no longer existed. She felt like she was an entire nothing.
And he did not love her.
He did not love her.
She collapsed on the ground, tears falling from her eyes. She clutched at her stomach, trying to somehow keep the pain from overwhelming her entirely.
He did not love her.
She cried out. Mr. Call awkwardly rubbed her on the shoulder as she burst into tears on his shoulder.
"I know," Mr. Call told her.
She felt like there was a gaping wound and her very life was draining from her. It hurt. It hurt so much.
"I know."
Mr. Call told her that over and over again as he rocked her until she had no more tears. She felt so empty inside, but it still hurt so much.
He helped her back to the newspaper office so she could rest for the remainder of the night.
"Are you going to be all right?" Mr. Call asked her.
Maria did not know, but she squeezed his hand tightly to express her appreciation.
Mr. Call nodded at her.
"It'll get better," he told her.
"Will it?" she asked hopelessly. "Has it for you?"
He did not answer her. He shrugged and walked away.
Maria collapsed on her bed. It took her a long time to get to sleep.
Maria bolted upright, crying out.
She had the dream again. She very rarely had it now, but tonight it came back to haunt her.
Her parents and baby brother - they burned alive in the fire. She could hear them screaming.
Then she heard nothing - nothing but the horrible, loud crackling of fire as it consumed her house and everyone that she loved. The sound was worse than gunshots.
She was outside. She was alone. They left her alone. They abandoned her. She was so alone.
She was nothing. She was nothing.
"Maria, you all right?" she heard Austin ask.
Startled, she turned quickly towards him. Austin had slept in his clothes again. His tired face was very concerned.
"I am nothing. I am nothing," she explained, still panicked. "I don't feel like I'm anybody. It hurts, Austin. It hurts."
Austin wiped his mouth, and then he nodded knowingly. He sat on her bed and held her hand. He nodded again.
"I should have listened to you, Austin," Maria admitted to him. "You were right about Mr. Mosby. I should have listened to you."
He hugged her. "I'm sorry," was all he told her. He helped her lie back down.
"Go back to sleep. I'll stay here and watch over you if you want."
"Would you do that?" Maria asked him, hardly believing it.
"Yeah, if you want," he offered nonchalantly.
"Thank you, Austin."
She turned away from him. Then she told him. "You must have been a good brother."
He was quiet as she drifted back to sleep.
"Yeah," he finally said.
Austin was still there in the morning. He was asleep in his chair, but he did not shirk his post.
Maria could only smile weakly at him. She got up and got dressed and then gently poked him in the arm.
"What do you want for breakfast?" she asked him.
Austin rubbed his eyes and then looked at her. "You look terrible," he commented.
"Thanks. What do you want for breakfast?" she repeated.
"I'm taking you over to the Dove for breakfast. My treat."
This time she genuinely smiled at him. "That's sweet, Austin. Thank you. I'd like that. You'd better change, though. Otherwise, you'd look as bad as I do. We wouldn't want to scare Curtis Wells this early in the morning, now would we?"
He smiled and did not say anything. He splashed his face and hair with water, and then ran a comb through his hair. "I'm ready," he told her.
His face was covered with stubble, and his clothes did look like they were slept in. Her cousin, though, still was handsome, despite his appearance. She smiled. He was the pretty one in the family.
"Put a jacket on," she sighed, handing Austin his long duster. "Let's go."
Austin even let her hold his arm as they walked down the street. His change in behavior was rather startling.
"You knew all this time. Why didn't you tell me about Mr. Mosby before?" Maria finally asked.
"You wouldn't have listened."
He was right. She supposed she would not have.
Maria stopped abruptly as she saw Mr. Mosby leave the Ambrosia Club. She saw Miss Florie leave the back entrance.
Miss Florie had long, dark hair like Hannah's. Maria supposed in a dark room that Miss Florie might even resemble Hannah. That had to be why Mr. Mosby bestowed his affection upon her.
The pain from yesterday immediately resurfaced.
Austin spotted Mr. Mosby, too.
"Maria, stay here," he commanded, leaving her by the general store.
Maria watched as Austin marched over to confront Mr. Mosby. He was about to do something foolish. Maria gasped and began to follow him. She did not want to see her cousin get beaten. She did not know if she could withstand that again. "Austin!"
A hand on her shoulder stopped her. It was Mr. Call.
"Let him do this," Mr. Call told her.
"But Mr. Mosby will kill him - "
"No, he won't. Let him do this, Maria," her cousin-in-law commanded her.
Maria watched helplessly as Austin exchanged some harsh words with Mr. Mosby. Mr. Mosby looked momentarily confused, and then his eyes drifted over to her direction and met her eyes. He looked apologetic.
Then Austin hit Mr. Mosby with one brutal punch. Maria never knew Austin had it in him. A power had been unleashed within Austin, and not a living soul on earth could withstand it. If it had not been for the column supporting the Ambrosia Club, Mr. Mosby would have fallen down.
Austin did not stop there. He punched Mr. Mosby in the stomach. Mr. Mosby's men grabbed Austin and began to rough him as Mr. Mosby recovered from the shock. Suddenly Mr. Call appeared with his sawed-off. He pointed it at Mr. Mosby.
Maria stood frozen in horror. She could not hear them, nor did she think she wanted to.
Mr. Mosby, still clutching his stomach, wordlessly waved off his men as if he planned to do that in the first place. He wiped the blood off his nose with his handkerchief.
Austin shrugged Mr. Mosby's men off from him. His eyes narrowed hatefully at Mr. Mosby, but he did not make another move towards the town proprietor.
Mr. Call lowered his weapon only after Mr. Mosby's men backed away from Austin. He did not say a word to Mr. Mosby, but Mr. Call looked rather vindicated.
Mr. Mosby said nothing to either one of them.
Maria watched as both Austin and Mr. Call left Mr. Mosby. Mr. Mosby's men did not rally around their leader, nor did Mr. Mosby look like he wanted them to. He stood alone as if facing some punishment that was strictly his.
His eyes drifted towards Maria.
She stared at him, trying not to cry. Then, unable to tolerate the pain, she turned away.
Austin and Mr. Call both ate breakfast with her at the Dove. They talked at her, but barely said anything to each other. Maria did not hear them.
She glanced over to Mr. Mosby's empty table. She stared at the table decoration of red winter berries. They stained the room like blood.
He was alone now. That was what he always wanted.
Maria sat with Mr. Call on his bench. They did not say anything to each other. They had not said anything to one another for hours.
It was a wonderful way to start the new year.
They watched as Miss Shaw boarded the coach and left town. The blond woman had a sad and disappointed look upon her face, especially when her eyes drifted in Mr. Call's direction. Still, she boarded the coach resolutely. While Unbob was visibly shaken upon her departure, Maria could feel Mr. Call's pain beyond his aloof facade.
"You could go after her, you know," Maria finally said.
Mr. Call, as usual, said nothing.
Maria knew he could not go after Miss Shaw at this time. He was still not over the loss of his wife.
Hannah. It was always Hannah.
"We probably should console Mr. Unbob," Maria suggested half-heartedly.
"He'll be fine. She's left before, and he was fine then, too."
Her cousin-in-law was speaking more of himself than of Unbob, Maria was certain. Mr. Call surely had been trying to convince himself of that. She had been trying to convince herself that she would be fine, too, once she got over Mr. Mosby.
She sighed.
It was time to do something positive for the new year.
"Newton, do you have a knife?"
"Why? Who do you want to stab?"
"Do you have a knife?" Maria repeated, ignoring his wry comment.
"Yes," he said suspiciously, handing her one from him jacket.
"Hold out your hand."
"Why?"
"Just do it, you ninny."
Mr. Call held out his hand. She poked his finger with his knife. He protested loudly.
"Ouch! What'd you do that for?" he demanded as he began to suck his finger.
Maria stabbed her finger, too. "Give me your finger."
"Why, so you can stab me again?"
"No," she answered, placing down the knife on the bench. She grabbed his finger and placed it on her finger. Their blood mixed.
"Now," Maria nodded at him. "We are blood brother and sister. I will feel your joys and sorrows, and you will feel mine."
Mr. Call stared down at his finger, then at her. He was very quiet, conscious of something beyond himself. Then he gave her one single and decisive nod, acknowledging the bond. Then he looked away as aloofly as he could manage.
Maria smiled weakly at him and then looked at the cut on her own finger. She knew it would heal rather quickly.
There was another wound, however, that would not.
The broken heart did not beat at all.
END 2/98
Darcie Daniels
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